I recently visited some friends who are practicing polygamists and the discussion turned to the worldview and the media representation of polygamy. I mentioned to them that the world is more tolerant of polygamy than perhaps they realized. One woman spoke up. “I get tired of the media targeting polygamy as the source of abuse and other crimes. The source of those crimes is not polygamy but humanity. We are all the same really.” Having been raised in a polygamist household I understood her sentiment perfectly. In fact, one of the objectives I had for writing a memoir about polygamy was to humanize the culture. It is easy to forget that under the facade of any religion, regime, organization etc. remains the human being. The same human frailties and weaknesses exist parallel to the strengths and compassion that is also our human tendencies. The diversity of the world is merely different expressions of the same creature. Looking beyond the differences or through them, are similarities and connection. Behind corporate walls and mass production, are individuals. Beneath the burqa is a woman. Beyond the glamour of the celebrity are the same insecurities as the unrecognized person. As long as there are human beings there will be a mix of kindness and cruelty, abuse and affection as well as depravity and nobility, weakness and greatness. It is individual choice that determines the difference.

As a personal witness to many different families practicing polygamy I have a unique perspective. Some of my dearest friends practice this lifestyle. Some of them are quite successful while others struggle. Humanity is magnified both good and bad and I have witnessed a great deal of pain. It is very difficult for all parties involved, even in the best of circumstances. For anyone who strives to practice plural marriage with any kind of integrity it is challenging at best. In most cases, at least the ones that I have observed, the relationships are superficial and often strained. From a neutral observers stance I can see the common thread of humanity that binds us all. The fears, the insecurities, the pull of familial ties and the ultimate need to love and be loved. It is assumed that jealousies are the most difficult part of sharing husbands but in my opinion that is not the case. The most challenging aspect, at least for the wives, is identity. It is easy to lose individuality, personality and one’s sense of identity while living collectively. It is a loss of identity that the women most mourn. When I look into the faces of women that are newly praciting polygamy, it is the blank and panicked stares that haunt me most. When the women find a new identity and many of them do, there returns a sense of belonging and acceptance. But there are some that never do and they limp along like orphans without a home. It is usually the ones that feel obligated to practice polygamy that have the most trouble adapting. The best situations that I have seen involve women that love each other sincerely and look out for each others needs. In the worst situations I have seen, manipulation is a competitive sport and cruelty, the name of the game. Polygamy is merely a platform, a stage on which extremes of the human condition are played out.

To understand Mormon fundamentalism one must understand collectivism. Although there are certain differences it helps to understand the dynamics of group thinking. Collectivism stresses the importance of human interdependence and the value of the group over the individual. Collectivism values cohesion and cooperation. It requires obedience and trust. On the other hand, it provides a deep sense of security and connection. Members are just that, constituents of a larger whole. There is an unseen benefit though to being in a group. An intangible force often called group-think. There is a singular strength to groups. A group of people is smarter than the smartest individual among them. There is an obvious reason artists gather in groups to gain inspiration. Something magical happens when a group of people come together. Emotions are magnified, thoughts are sharper and a new energy arises from the combination. Like a chemist in a laboratory, individual elements can be radically altered when combined together and the individual elements are lost in the creation of the new. This is one of the powers of Mormon fundamentalism, together the people are stronger, their faith is magnified and their determination is solidified. This is why persecution has a bonding effect. It improves solidarity and reinforces faith in the collective. Mormon fundamentalists are not a group of individuals; they are the group, lending their identities or perhaps sacrificing them in some cases for the benefit of the whole. If one member is attacked, all feel attacked. For example, the arrest of Warren Jeffs was disconcerting to Mormon fundamentalists everywhere, even those who felt he was deserving of punishment. Their strength then, becomes a weakness and the loss of individuality is most keenly felt. The irony then is that one feeble and corrupt individual has the power to bring down the whole.

Recently, Warren Jeffs and five unnamed members of the FLDS were indicted on charges of sexual abuse. While I approve of the action taken against perpetrators of any kind of abuse I am also aware that this will not open the eyes of the thousands of members of this religious sect. If anything it will reinforce their beliefs. The history of the fundamentalist Mormons is filled with persecution and the jailing of prophets. It is part of their collective identity. There may be a few fringe members who will see things differently in light of these events but the majority will not. I find myself observing these events from afar, withholding judgment until all events surrounding Warren Jeffs and the raid on YFZ Ranch in Texas have transpired. Although, I cannot see how the FLDS will ever be able to return to their covert practices while living in the United States. With the exposure that the raid has generated, such as interviews on Larry King and CNN not to mention YouTube, there cannot be a full return to secrecy. This creates a new conflict between the law and these fundamentalist Mormon groups unlike anything the US governement has dealt with before. The Internet, with its knack for exposing the underbellies of everything we did/didn’t want to know about, keeps the FLDS from being able to slip back into their hiding places. I am curious to see the events unfold, as secrets become violated through the information craze. As crazy as it can be sometimes, it is a beautiful example of the kind of freedom the first amendment promises. Hopefully, that same freedom will reveal the filth and dross within these communities and those who are living decently will be left out of the limelight.

Polygamy has been around since earliest recorded history and was lived in nearly ever culture. What makes it interesting today is the relationship polygamy now shares with religion. In the past, it was always an economic, social or personal choice to live polygamy until early Mormonism. It was included as a tenet of their religion and a prerequisite to salvation until 1890 when the Mormon Church abandoned it in favor of statehood for Utah. Hence the birth of Mormon fundamentalism which developed when practicing polygamists that continued to believe in polygamy as a religious requirement went underground and disappeared from public view. I think that this is one of the problems society faces today in regards to Mormon fundamentalists: How do you separate polygamy from religion? Polygamy on its own is very tolerated in this country but when you add the elements of religion and/or patriarchy things get a little dicey. The US has had its share of religious cults from, the Lebaron brothers to the Branch Davidians to Heavens Gate and several others and they all meet their end similarly, in some act of violence. There is a fear that anything radical or unorthodox always ends in blood and violence. This fear is warranted and seeing pictures of an unstable Warren Jeffs in the newspapers only reinforces it. There are some splinter groups who practice Mormon fundamentalism who do so while remaining somewhat mainstream, in their appearance as well as their contributions. The women are educated, some with Masters degrees or even PhDs while others have high paying jobs as lawyers or businesswomen. They remain unseen because they don’t need to be seen. I don’t see religion being taken out of polygamy any time soon. What must end is the Mormon fundamentalists need for peculiarity and the validation of persecution. If you take the radical out of Mormon fundamentalism they can finally accept their place in society with respect for democracy and we can all begin to live in peace.