“Why didn’t you or anyone else stand up against the abuses you suffered?”

When I talk about my childhood I get this question a lot. I have asked it of myself many times too. The answer is quite simple. Abuse was normal.

Like eating, sleeping and doing the dishes. It was a part of life. You don’t question what is normal. When abuse is normal it becomes camouflaged. You know it is there you just don’t always see it.

I knew I was being abused. I hated it. I wished it would stop. But I had no idea I had the power to do or say anything about it. I felt as powerless to stop the abuse as I felt powerless to change the weather outside. Still, I was haunted by what felt like my own complicity in the abuse. I struggled to understand my own behavior.

Sometimes I had no feelings when someone was being hit. Other times, I ran away when I saw the belt come out of the closet or the threatening raise of the hand. When I was the victim of abuse I simply endured it and tried to forget it. Abuse was like a daily dose of horrible medicine. I was told that it was good for me, it would help me become a better person. This was also confusing.

I only recognized the physical abuse. But there are several forms of subtler abuse that often leaves deeper scars.

Humiliation, shaming, blaming and manipulation are all forms of emotional abuse.

Lying, trickery, crazy-making and false accusations are all part of the mental abuse.

Sexual abuse is also not limited to rape and molestation, it includes exposure to inappropriate sexual materials, inappropriate touching, overtly sexual conversations, pornography, exposure of genitalia, experimentation, and incest of any kind.

Deprivations such as starvation, lack of medical attention  or care, and human interaction are considered child neglect.

And a commonly overlooked abuse is ritual abuse.

Ritual abuse occurs when groups abuse or participate in the abuse such as making victims complicit in the abuse in some way even as a witness. Also, when religion is used to abuse and control others by threatening possession by Satan or evil spirits, accidents claimed as punishment from God etc. Also, punishment that is torture would fall into this category, such as children being gagged and tied up, being confined, locked up, heads dunked into water and so forth.  Children are especially vulnerable to this kind of abuse and often takes the most time to heal.

All these forms of abuse I experienced or witnessed to varying degrees.  All of it was normal.

The question that festered in my mind was “why?”

When I read Viktor Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search for Meaning”I found some answers. In his book Frankl describes the humiliating and horrific experiences he and his fellow inmates suffered at the infamous Auschwitz concentration camp. He analyzes the behavior of himself and his inmates with astonishing clarity.

He helped me to understand why I didn’t realize the gravity of the abuse I experienced, why I calmly watched others be abused without interfering and why others did the same. He termed this behavior “moral deformity.” By comparing my childhood to Frankl’s experience in a concentration camp I was able to find the answers and ultimately a reason to heal.

Frankl relates the story of eating ravenously a bowl of tasteless broth while the stinking corpse of his friend rotted nearby. It seemed to him impossible that he had depersonalized his survival in such a way. He then states that “an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal.” This statement was like a light appearing in a dark abyss.

My moral deformity was perfectly normal based on the environment I was subjected to and in fact, helped me to survive with my mind and identity intact.

My question then was “what is normal?”

Normal is that which is predictable.

What I could predict I could prepare for, what I could prepare for I could have control over. Even if that control was fragile or misguided. I had never stood up for anyone being beaten or abused nor did anyone stand up for me when it was my turn. And I didn’t expect anyone to do it.

I allowed abuse of myself and others because it was normal. It was predictable. What is predictable is manageable and what is manageable is survivable. Normal=predictable=manageable=survival.

Normalcy alleviates the fear of the unknown. In Frankl’s book this is illustrated when the concentration camp in which he was confined was liberated and the inmates embraced their sudden freedom with trepidation.They were afraid to leave the camp. Their freedom seemed like a surreal dream, a trick or ploy that might lead to their deaths. The fear of the unknown was even greater for some than the fear of suffering which they knew intimately and had learned to survive.

As they say, “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”

Understanding is key to healing.When I understood my own inexplicable and morally deformed behaviors I found compassion for myself. I realized I wasn’t crazy but I was a brilliant survivor and a creative problem solver. Through understanding I restored my self respect, expanded my awareness, increased my capacity to help others and discovered my purpose. While I was not responsible for what happened to me I was ultimately responsible for my own healing.

In Frankl’s own words “What is to give light, must endure the burning.”

“Time”

In this painting I wanted to depict the idea that time is not linear but that everything  happens simultaneously. Time is a continuous round, a circle, the symbol of eternity. It is a difficult concept for our linear brains to grasp so we break time up into opposites and divide it into separations. What we typically consider opposites occur together in the painting. Night and day, the moon and the sun, darkness and light, warmth and cold, emptiness and fullness, movement and stillness, hope and despair, life and death. All separations become one.

I wanted to explore the possibility that death prepares us for life, that despair and hopelessness are the sources of joy and fulfillment; that darkness and cold nourish and gestate in preparation for growth and abundance. The tree is like you and me and time is all around us. The tree is affected by change but its roots grow deeper and its crown expands with every season. The tree itself though is a fixture and at its essence it remains unchanged.

Captured in the symbolism is the entire life of a person. Birth of tiny buds just opening, springtime, beginnings, followed by rapid growth and a fullness of expression in the green foliage. We lose our buds just as we lose our innocence through adolescence and adulthood. But all too soon our life changes again and we lose our vitality and energy as we enter old age. The last vestiges of our existence symbolized by the last leaves the fall toward the earth, the green grass slowly fading to brown and death a state of cold silence. Winter and ice is the symbol of sacred emptiness that is followed inevitably by renewal and life.

Within  the macrocosm of life there are microcosms; a day, a moment, an event, a relationship, a role, that capture this same truth. The newness of beginning, the fulness of growth, the natural entropy of decay and the eventual death that leads to renewed life.

John Singer was an excommunicated Mormon who did not practice but believed in the practice of polygamy and who had openly removed his children from public school in 1973. He received a letter from the Board of Education informing him that he was in violation of Utah law. This was the beginning of a stand-off with police and the courts. The school board tested his kids but John Singer felt that the testing was bureaucratic control of his family and he deeply resented it. After several years of this testing he announced he would no longer allow the testing. This resulted in a confrontation with police in which John Singer was shot and killed. John Singer had been open about his reasons for removing his kids from the public school system, chiefly because of the secular influence of public school and the permissive attitudes regarding sex, drugs, vulgarity etc. The very same reasons my own parents pulled my older siblings out of public school in 1974—only they did so secretly. John Singer’s openness about his right to educate his kids ultimately resulted in his death. My parents’ worst nightmare was playing out before them in the local news and reinforced their fears. After the John Singer case, they felt that a secret home-school was the ONLY option. They did it not because they felt they were more qualified or could give us a better education but to protect their way of life.

Polygamists already feel constrained to break marriage laws. Rather than obey the laws on education they will feel forced back into the destructive elements of secrecy that have fostered so much abuse, control and isolation in the past. I believe that enforcing student testing and mandates that make homeschooling more difficult would be a mistake and a counterproductive measure that would add to the problem. Stringent laws concerning home school would in no way give polygamous kids a better education. Polygamist families would simply go deeper into hiding.

The fact that Utah has a hands-off policy when it comes to home-school has done much to improve education for polygamous children in particular. In my experience, education of polygamous children has improved and this is mainly because prosecution of polygamy has relaxed in recent years and the culture is slowly emerging from secrecy. Without the constant threat of law enforcement polygamists feel more comfortable using resources such as online schools, correspondence schools as well as creating home-school co-ops and charter schools as alternatives to public school while still maintaining control over their children’s education.  If the Board of Education is really concerned with helping polygamous children gain a better education then the answer is not strict or additional laws but more available and varied resources for home-school education.

To learn more about the John Singer case read The Death of an American, The Killing of John Singer by David Fleisher

If you try this recipe and you don’t achieve success send me a comment or email and I will help you solve the problem.

Baking Powder Biscuits

Preheat the oven to 425

4 cups of white flour (unsifted)

1 tsp. of salt (you will need to use a bit more salt if you use unsalted butter or shortening)

2 T of baking powder

1 cup or two sticks of butter (cold)

2 – 2 1/2 cups of cold milk

(1/2 to 1 cup of additional flour set to the side)

Mix all the dry ingredients together thoroughly. Cut the cold butter with a knife into small pieces over the bowl of dry ingredients. Using your hands, break up the butter into smaller pieces and mix with the dry ingredients. The butter should not be blended into the flour too well. (Make sure the pieces are no smaller than peanuts.)

Pour the cold milk over the dry ingredients and let it stand for a minute or two. Very carefully wet the dry ingredients by gently moving the flour  around the bowl to allow the milk to move. DO NOT  STIR. Be very careful not to mix it too much at this point, it WILL ruin your biscuits. The dough will not look much like biscuits. If it appears too wet that is exactly what you want to see.

Heavily flour a bread board or counter-top with at least 1/2 cup of flour. Dump your mixture onto the counter. This part is messy but hang in there because you will be rewarded for your efforts. You will have a wet mixture but it should not run. Use the additional flour that has been set aside and sprinkle some of it on top of the mixture. Begin to knead the flour into the dough. (Your hands will get very sticky.)Add flour as necessary until the dough becomes more manageable. It will still be soft but stiff enough to handle.

Wash your hands and flour a rolling pin. You may need to re-flour the counter under the dough so that when you roll it out it doesn’t stick to the counter. The dough will be soft and manageable. Roll the dough until it is 1/4 inch to 1/2 inch thick depending on how tall you want your biscuits to be. Lightly dust the flattened dough with flour and then carefully fold it in half. Press the dough with your hands or roll it just a bit thinner. Make sure the dough is not sticking to the counter.

Flour a drinking glass or a biscuit cutter if you have one. Cut the biscuits and place them on a dark baking sheet or a good teflon coated one. No need to spray the tray. Place them about an inch apart on the tray. Cook them for about twelve to fifteen minutes at 425 degrees Fahrenheit.

Check the bottom of the biscuit to see if it is brown. The tops will be lightly browned or for a dark golden biscuit raise the oven rack from the middle to the upper position. The biscuits should be about two inches or more in height. They will be light and buttery. Serve immediately with butter and jam or a homemade sausage gravy.

This recipe makes about 12-18 large biscuits.

Why?

Here are a few tips for why this recipe works.

Keeping your butter cold is super important. The butter must remain in pieces throughout all of your handling. If not, the biscuits will not be flaky. The butter melts during the baking and creates a separation between the layers.

Keeping your milk cold is important because room temperature milk or warmed milk will help soften the butter or melt it. Sometimes I will put the dough in the refrigerator after I cut in the butter just to get everything cold again before I continue with the milk. Just remember to keep everything cold during preparation. It will make all the difference in the final result.

Don’t stir. Really, I mean don’t stir at all. I just lightly move the flour around until the milk absorbs. Stirring will stiffen your dough and make your biscuits heavy. The dough can be kneaded with no problem. In fact, sometimes the biscuits that are cut from the scraps of dough that had to be re-kneaded turn out to be the best. Stirring will ruin them. It may take a few tries until you figure it out for yourself but it has worked consistently for me every single time.

It is better to have  dough too wet than too dry. You can always add more flour during the kneading stage. If you need to add a bit more milk for whatever reason, do so. Be liberal with the flour during the kneading.

Cook biscuits in a hot oven. Baking powder is the only rising agent in these biscuits and the faster you activate it the better results you will have. Bake your biscuits in a hot oven. The biscuits rise in the first five minutes or so. Make sure your oven is nice and hot. If you aren’t sure about your oven, (they all vary a bit)  cook them at a hotter temperature than a cooler one.

Most importantly, always bake with your full and undivided attention. Don’t talk on the phone or try to multitask. I call that cooking with love.

Bon Apetit!

I have learned that being clear is a real art and a developed skill.It doesn’t matter if you are writing a letter, a recipe, a memo, a novel, an advertisement  or even poetry (which has turned ambiguity into an art form);  clarity is vital and creates the value in any written work. It also adds professionalism if you are on the job.

I have a list of five tips for achieving clarity in your writing.

1. Write as if your audience will be children.

If you prepare a rough draft of your work as though you are writing so that a child will understand, you will get the proper foundation. You can always go back and dress it up or change words so that they are more appropriate for the situation but if you begin by writing in the simplest of terms with the only goal being clear communication, you will have achieved clarity at the outset.

Or I can rewrite the above paragraph more clearly.

If you write your first draft so that a child can understand it you will have an excellent base. You can always go back and change words that don’t fit or add information that is necessary. But if you begin with the goal of simple and  easy to understand words you will have clear communication at the start.

Point made.

2. Clearly define your topic sentence.

Let’s say I want to write a book review about Cormac McCarthy’s novel “The Road.” There are plenty of themes and directions I could take in a review of the book. Some themes would include. The end of the world, depravity of human beings, hopelessness, fear, the unknown, adversity, innocence, hopefulness and more.

Let’s say I don’t want to exclude anything so I write a meandering five pages that leaves the reader confused. I included so much information that my writing, in an effort to capture everything, becomes convoluted. I have not defined my topic sentence.

Let’s say I realize my mistake and I choose the topic of fear and how fear drives certain people to do certain things, some good, some bad. I write a one full page review that examines this topic as it is presented in the book.

Clarity.

3. Use your topic as a guide.

It can be easy to get pulled away from your topic idea or sentence when writing. I find it helpful to use the topic as a guide for determining the angle I use in my writing. Here is a helpful analogy. Writing can be like photography. If you take a picture of the ocean at noon on a bright sunny day from your hotel balcony, (that is your angle) you will get a very different picture than if you take a photo of the ocean from the deck of cruise ship at sunset. Same ocean, different image, feeling, and ultimately different communication.

It is better to have one amazing photo of the ocean from one angle than ten different photos of the ocean from all different angles. Once you decide on  your topic, stay with it, build on it and use it to reinforce and strengthen your writing.

Less really is more.

4. Use shorter sentences.

It seems obvious but using shorter sentences definitely adds clarity. Longer sentences can lack focus. Shorter sentences are simpler. Try breaking up your longer sentences into two or three shorter ones. Notice if the writing improves. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. Long sentences are not necessarily the result of intelligence or artistry. It takes great skill to write beautifully and simply. Besides, sometimes a lot of periods add emphasis.

Or longer sentences. . .

It seems obvious but using shorter sentences definitely adds clarity because longer sentences can lack focus while shorter sentences are simpler and by breaking up longer sentences into two or three shorter sentences you will notice that the writing often improves although sometimes this doesn’t work but most times it does. Long sentences are not necessarily the result of intelligence or artistry because it takes great skill to write beautifully and simply; besides sometimes a lot of periods adds emphasis. (Whew!)

The first of these two paragraph contains nine sentences. The second paragraph contains two. They are both exaggerated examples but it drives the point home.

Less is more. (Again.)

5. Why are you writing anyway?

This is a valuable question to ask yourself while caught up in the grip of ecstatic self expression. In addition to self expression, we write to communicate, to be understood, to help others understand, to enlighten, to entertain, to challenge, to thrill and countless other reasons.  But all of these reasons are linked to the reader understanding the writing. Don’t worry about impressing people or trying to prove your wit, cleverness or intelligence. Write to be understood and your words will take on a whole new meaning.

For you and for your readers.

Some of my favorite books on writing include

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

On Teaching and Writing Fiction by Wallace Stegner

The most important thing I have learned about hypnosis is that it cannot be done against your will. We hypnotize ourselves. We can do this with or without another person. It is the person under hypnosis that matters; the person’s receptivity and other factors. The hypnotist is really just a coach for the person being hypnotized. The relationship is similar to that of midwife and expectant mother. The midwife does not give birth, that credit belongs to the mother. But the midwife with her expertise and training in understanding the birth process can support and guide the mother who is deeply involved in the actual birthing experience. Could the mother give birth by herself? Of course, and many women have done so effectively. But having a midwife can improve the experience dramatically and in some case can be the difference between life and death or success and failure.

What is hypnosis?

Of course we are all familiar with the stereotype of the stage hypnotist who seems having complete power over a group of people causing them to perform all sorts of ridiculous acts. Entertainment hypnosis.

Medical hypnosis according the American Psychological Association has a different definition: hypnosis is a cooperative interaction in which a participant responds to suggestions by the hypnotist.

My own definition is thus: Hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness that allows a person a greater degree of openness and suggestibility. Some people refer to this state as a trance. I believe that I can control my experience in the trance state. I may allow trusted friends or associates to support and guide me but ultimately it is my experience and my trance.

History of hypnosis

Trances and altered states have been around for about as long as humans have been around. It is found in stories of Greek gods and in sacred Hindu texts but it was considered a part of the occult and was in no way scientific or had any foundations in research until the modern age. Hypnosis has been associated with healing both physically and emotionally for hundreds of years and was often seen in shamanic rituals, prayer rites, and other religious and spiritual activities. Hypnosis then, seems to be a part of our humanity, the way in which we view the world and affect change on ourselves and our perceptions. Read more about the history of hypnosis here.

Possible benefits

Self hypnosis or hypnotherapy has a great many benefits. Even simple daydreaming is a kind of self hypnosis. Daydreaming allows a free flow of imaginative thought that often results in inspiration or the answer to a puzzling mystery. But entering an intensely relaxed state to examine our beliefs, our conditioning or our subconscious ideas about ourselves and the world around us can bring new awareness and paradigms that we had not considered possible before. I approach self hypnosis like like intentional dreaming. At night when we sleep we dream. We awaken and often times against our rationale we sense there is some purpose or meaning to our dreams. Self hypnosis is like putting yourself into a sleep state and providing the screenplay for the dream all the while maintaining a certain degree of control over the experience. The experience is similar to lucid dreaming. I have used this  method for clearing up confusion and for understanding my most puzzling behaviors.

How to do it yourself

You need to have a quiet place to relax and be focused on what you would like to do in your hypnotic state.  For example, during a period in my healing when I found myself intensely angry at a certain person I wanted to go and find this person symbolically while in a trance like state. After deep breathing and becoming very relaxed I allowed my mind, (guided by my intention to find the symbolic person), to take over.

I entered a dark cave. In this cave I discovered at the very back of it a door made of prison bars. When I looked into this cell I saw the person with whom I was so deeply angry. I suddenly became aware of a guide standing next to me. This person was unfamiliar to me but I seemed to have trust in the guide. The person inside the cell was chained up and silent, unaware that I was there. I asked the guide why this person was in the cell and the guide told me that I was holding that person hostage inside of myself and that the chains of bondage represented my secret desire for revenge. I knew this was true. My very being resonated with the truth of it. I opened the doors and let this person go free realizing that my secret lust for revenge was a double edged sword: as long as I wanted revenge I kept the source of my suffering inside of me.

This awareness allowed me to take the final step in freeing myself from the pain the person had caused me. Not only did I accomplish this task in the hypnotic state but I also practiced it when I found myself in the company of the person. It was critical for me to understand my role in my own suffering.

Self-hypnosis has been a vital part of my healing. You can find many programs that offer hypnotherapy but I have found that learning to trust and heal yourself is part of healing itself. That is not to say that there aren’t times when you need support and guidance from others, just don’t discount your own intrinsic wisdom in so doing. Experiment and have fun learning about yourself through self hypnosis.

circa 1850: Slaves being transported south from Richmond, Virginia, after the sale. Original Artist: By Eyre Crowe (1824-1910)

Slavery was the foremost indirect cause of the American Civil War. The southern states that seceded from the Union did so to preserve the economic, cultural and ideological values of the South.  Whenever the hot button issue of slavery and other legislation that affected slavery, such as states rights or popular sovereignty, came up there was sure to be contention and in some cases outright violence such as the attack on Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner in 1856.

While the outward issues including  the Missouri Compromise, the 1850 Compromise, the acquisition of new territory following the Mexican War, popular sovereignty and the Kansas-Nebraska Act, were not challenging the right to own slaves, they were inextricable from slavery itself.  To learn more about these issues check out this excellent Youtube video. Slavery was at the heart of all of the issues. Remove slavery from the debate and there would have ceased to be a debate at all.

By the 1850′s abolitionism was growing, slaves were becoming bolder(see Harriet Tubman) and white Southerners were becoming more and more concerned. The Dred Scott case  which was decided by the U.S. Supreme Court held that Dred Scott, a black person, was not even a citizen and therefore had no right to sue and he was denied his freedom through the legal system. This paved the way for the Abraham Lincoln’s presidential nomination in the Republican Party.

Abraham Lincoln’s nomination and eventual victory for president was in direct connection to the issues of slavery. It was therefore fitting that he should emancipate the people whose cause brought him his victory.

Bonnie in her relaxed state.

This is Bonnie. She came to us shortly after Rex died. I thought I could live without a dog for a few months maybe even a year, but not so. I couldn’t bear it. Once I had had a dog I didn’t know how to live without one. Rex brought so much joy to my life and I was ready to bring another animal home to the family.

I found Bonnie at Kraftwerk K9 a Washington state breeder of high quality German shepherds. She was one of their retired females and I was able to purchase her for a discounted price. (She was still very expensive.) She is a SchH3, FH1 German Shepherd. The SchH3 title is for passing a very difficult obedience test and protection test. The FH1 title is for passing a tracking test.

She came from Germany and all her commands are in German. She is amazingly intelligent and intuitive. Her protective instincts are balanced and non aggressive. She is very alert to strangers but doesn’t bark unless she feels the stranger is a threat. That way I can have people come over without her barking and appearing to be dangerous. But if anyone had ill intent she somehow senses it and would let us know with a deep and terrifying bark.

Aaron can merely point and she will get up and go to the position he pointed toward. She is obedient and never tries to run away. She doesn’t pester the kids when they bring their plates of food outside. She will approach them and see if the food is for her but as soon as someone tells her “no” in a firm voice she walks away and finds a shady spot to rest.

She doesn’t jump on people. She doesn’t lick. (Which is kinda sad for me because I love it when a dog licks my hand or face) but I know that many people don’t like it which makes her more pleasant for everyone.

She loves the ball and it was used extensively in her training as a reward. She will go for fetching the ball anytime and always comes back for more. She adores the rope tug and I discovered just how powerful those jaws are when I am tugging on the other end of the rope. She is not protective of her food or her toys and will drop her ball on command, at least most of the time. (Okay, she really doesn’t like to give up her ball.)

She keeps an eye on everyone and makes it her personal duty to see to it that everyone is protected. When the girls take her on the parkway for a walk she is wary of strangers and will position herself between the girls and any strangers who happen to pass by. She is highly patient with babies and children and will even lie down for a toddler to pet her.

She will do anything for a car ride and will happily ride in the back or the front so long as it is in a vehicle. She is really calm until you are ready to play or go for a long walk and then she turns on the energy.

She has bonded with me and  all my kids and she practically worships Aaron. Did I mention she is beautiful? I get comments all the time when people see her.

She has warm expressive eyes and an alert carriage. I have always wanted a German Shepherd since I was a little girl watching old black and white reruns of Rin Tin Tin. Bonnie is all of what I imagined and more. While she will never replace my beloved Rex she has brought a new joy to our family.

Bonnie in her alert expression

I am surprised at how many people don’t like poetry.

I love poetry. The beauty of words and the discipline of poetry just make my whole body happy. I like to read poetry out loud and just soak in the pleasure of the sounds and ideas conveyed by an achingly beautiful or shockingly clever poem.

I am convinced that more people don’t read poetry because it is hard to find really good poetry without first having to sift through mountains of not-so-good poetry or poems that leave the reader confused instead of delighted. So I will be posting about my own top ten poets and their poems to help you sift through the rubble and maybe find a poet that you really enjoy.

Poet Number 1:

Tomas Transtromer

I have only recently discovered this amazing poet. I am thrilled by his artistry and even more thrilled to have found a poet that I enjoy reading so much that I always look for an excuse to read his work to anyone who ventures too near my bookshelf of poetry. It has been years since I have read any work of poems that I have enjoyed as much as the work of Tomas Transtromer. He is the winner of the 2011 Nobel Prize in Literature. He was born in Stockholm, Sweden in 1931 studying both poetry and psychology. His wonderfully translated book of selected poems titled “The Deleted World” is full of thoughtful ideas about life, death, love and nature and the poems are rendered so beautifully and masterfully that I nearly weep with sheer joy while reading. He is absolutely inspiring as a writer and as a modern day thinker. I hope you will check out the poetry of Tomas Transtromer. I will include here the titles of just a few of my newest favorite poems rendered in beautiful translations by Robin Robertson a poet in his own right. To read an interview with Robin Robertson click here.

1. Autumnal Archipelago

2. Solitude

3.Calling Home

4. Black Postcards

Who is your favorite poet?

Before I practiced meditation I thought meditating meant to be free of thoughts and to transcend to a state of blissful nothingness. I realize now that that is called dissociation and it is related to psychosis and is considered a disorder.  That can’t be meditation. At least I was beginning to know what meditation was not. I read some books on meditation only to find that every book had a different approach and even differing definitions for meditating. So I looked up the word meditate in the dictionary. The dictionary meaning of the word meditate means to engage in contemplation and reflection.

There are many, many books on meditation. In fact, there is a meditation for every personality type out there including, sitting meditation, yoga meditation, tantric meditation, walking meditation, transcendental meditation, mindfulness meditation, sound meditation, central channeling meditation, journey meditation, breath meditation, imaginal meditation among many others. But if you focus back to the dictionary definition you can see that there is really only one meditation: to engage in contemplation and reflection.

To contemplate what? To reflect upon what? That is up to you I suppose. The act of purposefully engaging in contemplation of anything or reflection upon anything is considered meditation and you can find your own point of focus. It makes meditating a very personal experience and not one that comes with a manual. The practice of meditation is more about, well, practice than it is a style or form of meditation. It is the quality of intention and awareness that gives meditation its well-earned respect.

In my own practice I have discovered that just creating awareness and bringing my attention back to the one part of me that exists in present time, my body, I release stress, my mind softens, attention is clarified and I feel sort of like I just had  a nap. I don’t meditate every morning or attempt to mold myself to fit any of the forms of meditation. Instead I open myself up to meditate when I feel the need. Sometimes that can be five times a day or twice a month depending on what is going on in my life.

Meditation is simply a tool to bring awareness and attention back to what IS. Within this basic structure one can do many other things with meditation. It doesn’t have to be rigid and self-righteous it can be and should be fluid and natural. If you meditate, enjoy it! Don’t box yourself into a structure that suffocates. If you like consistency you will naturally create a meditation practice that is more ritualistic. If you prefer spontaniety your meditation practice will be erratic but highly useful when used. It becomes a tool for the user not a dictator. In the famous words of Frank Lloyd Wright: “form follows function.” There are no wrong forms of meditation but choose the one that reflects who you already are and how YOU function and not who you think you ought be.

A few books that I enjoyed on meditation include:

The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh

How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind by Pema Chodron

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle