The moment of true parenthood is one that most people never forget. For some it is a memorable moment that is filled with wonder and joy and for others it is a feeling closer to terror and uncertainty. For most newly minted parents though, it is a combination of both. You are embarking on an adventure for which you cannot be prepared. That is normal and even necessary. Why is it necessary for you to be unprepared for the most important job in the world?
When I held my newborn son in my arms for the first time just moments after his arrival, I didn’t realize that I was a newborn too. A newborn parent. I had only been a parent for about 30 minutes. It would have been ridiculous for me to have expected myself to know how to be a parent in only 30 minutes of practice. (In fact, it takes closer to 30 years than 30 minutes!) But that is often what new parents do. They think that somehow, they should know how to do something without having any real experience doing it. Of course, you don’t know how to be a parent, you have just started on your training. Just like I couldn’t fly an airplane after sitting in the pilot’s chair for thirty minutes staring at the controls. I don’t know how to be a pilot. And I didn’t know how to be a parent either.
“But I have experience dealing with children” you may be saying. “I’m not really that green.” And it’s true, maybe you:
- babysat kids a lot when you were younger
- work as a nanny
- had a big family growing up and you have experience dealing with children
- are preschool teacher
- work in a nursery at the hospital and take of care of infants;
If any of these apply to you then know that you do indeed have some experience dealing with children and that experience will be most useful to you throughout the journey of parenting. But there is one major point I want to make here:
There is a difference between dealing with children and dealing with YOUR children.
All the experience in the world will not make up for the lack of experience in dealing with your own children. There is only one way to gain experience in parenting and that is to become a parent! There really is no substitute for it. There is no training program or even a preparation course. You must jump in both feet and hope you can swim in the parenting ocean. The experience of being a parent IS the training.
As you go through the journey of parenting it is important to note the milestones of your child’s development and take a moment to note the milestones of your own development. When you watch your child discover their hand for the first time, think of something you have discovered about being a parent. Think of all the daily discoveries you make just like your baby is discovering and developing. When your baby grows up into a toddler and is struggling with restrictions and being told no, falling down and often getting frustrated at nothing much, you can look at yourself and the struggles you may be dealing with as a toddler parent, you are still falling down a lot and getting frustrated over nothing as a parent. You and your child are on the journey together, teaching each other how to be. As adolescence approaches so does the adolescence of parenting, which for many can be one of the most difficult times of development. The child is going through many confusing changes and may struggle with issues of control and boundaries and so too, are you, going through confusing changes as your child no longer needs you or responds to you in the same way they once did. You may also struggle with issues of control and boundaries.
As you are patient with your teenager you can also be patient with yourself as you figure out this transitional period. Eventually you will have completed the full cycle of parenting. Don’t worry, you’re not an expert yet. Each child is totally unique and therefore regardless of how many kids you have there will always be something to learn and ways to become MORE of a parent.
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself as a parent is the same patience, tolerance and laughter you give to your child. As they embark on the great journey of growing from infant to adult you will embark on your own journey of becoming a parent.
