Seeking Approval
Seeking for approval from others can be a source of constant disappointment and feeling inadequate. Why do we need approval from others? We are social animals and one of our core needs is to belong to a social group. For children, that first social group is the family. Children seek approval from their parents and as they get older, they seek approval from siblings and other peer groups, such as friends and school classmates. As we reach adulthood and our existence is more in our own hands the need for approval becomes cultural rather than imperative to our survival.
It feels good to have others approve of us and to feel that we are accepted by others as we are. There is nothing wrong with that. But what about when getting others approval violates our consciences? For example, following the status quo regardless of our personal integrity. This is when getting approval comes at a cost to us. What price are we willing to pay for this approval?
Seeking approval can become an effort to validate our worth through others acceptance of us. Constantly needing to satisfy others’ perceptions of who we are is a monumental task. Approval seeking can lead to misery, frustration, self-betrayal, and a disconnection from our inner compass. A human being’s value is intrinsic. Our very existence is proof of our worth. We need a strong inner compass so that the desire for external validation and others’ approval is always weaker than our desire for our own approval.
How do you give yourself the approval you are craving from others?
Developing your inner compass. The compass is a tool that guides you. It tells you what is good, right, acceptable, honest, open, willing, courageous etc. It also lets you know when something feels bad, wrong, off, disconnected, deceptive, dark, cowardly, fearful and so on. Your inner compass can only give YOU this information as it relates to you. It cannot give guidance for another person. Only yourself. Your inner compass is always working, it is always feeding you relevant information. The development is training yourself to listen and pay attention to it and to understand the nature of the information flowing to you from you! This is an ongoing practice that gets easier as you become more attuned.
Once you are better at listening to your own guidance you will find others approval or disapproval of you much less affecting. You can measure everything against your own inner system and those things that align are accepted, those that don’t align are dismissed. All of this can happen in a flash. You will simply know what it feels like in your body and being when something matches your own inner guidance system.
You can still enjoy the camaraderie and belonging found in others approval and acceptance. You can take pleasure and find meaning in others acceptance of you without needing it. In fact, needing it prevents you from truly enjoying it. When you no longer need others’ approval you are free. They are free too. They are free approve or disapprove without it affecting your relationship. This freedom creates the space and openness for joy.
When you look outward for approval you are imprisoned in your own mind. But when you are guided by your own inner compass you are free to live according to your own conscience. You are free to be.
