What are the Facts?
This may seem like an obvious question with an obvious answer, but I was surprised by how many people I talk to that don’t realize how limited facts can be and how much interpretation we apply to the facts. The lines between illusion and reality blur when we try to make meaning out of a situation. And we do make meaning out of everything. Our interpretation of the facts can distort our understanding of reality. I am not suggesting that you avoid interpreting your experience or recognizing the value of that interpretation but simply paring a situation down to the facts and facts alone, can bring clarity where everything else is failing.
So let’s get to the question: What are the facts? A fact is a reality that is unchangeable.
Example: “I got drunk.”
Fact: You drank x amount of alcohol and experienced physiological symptoms i.e. vomiting, dizziness, etc.
Yes, I know it’s the same thing BUT you are looking at the statement through a factual lens instead of an interpretive lens. “I got drunk,” is loaded with insinuation, implications, and other interpretations that can affect your ability to look objectively at the situation.
Let’s try another one.
“We got into a terrible argument.”
Facts: Words were spoken, some of those words were spoken loudly and at a higher pitch and this continued for x number of minutes.
Facts are the unchangeable reality. Both parties would agree to the facts. The word argument or disagreement is an interpretation.
There are personal facts about the interaction too such as “I experienced discomfort in my body” (heat, tightening of neck muscles and so on.) But keep in mind, the other person may not have experienced any discomfort in their body so those are only true facts for you.
It helps me when I am doing this exercise to think of myself as a robot who only understands the world through literal facts. What would a robot say about this moment? If you have watched the old 80’s Star Trek, The Next Generation, you will remember the character of Data. (Aptly named by the way. Data, facts nothing more than that.) Data was unable to experience feelings and empathy which was definitely an impediment to his understanding of different worlds and cultures. He treated others with a shocking indifference. He only understood facts. But there were moments in the series where he was the only crew member unaffected by this human condition and was able to save everyone precisely because he lacked biases and didn’t interpret events.
How Does This Exercise Help?
Let’s say you get a rude text from a coworker. What do you do? Here are some common reactions.
- Show the text to other people and recruit a few allies to make you feel better.
- Get angry and fire back an equally rude text to let them know they can’t treat you that way.
- Ignore the text and punish them later by behaving dismissively when you deal with this person face to face.
- Argue with them over text to defend yourself or prove them wrong.
Fact: Your phone indicated that a text message was received. There were words in the message.
That’s it! Everything else was an interpretation. Once you have just the facts in front of you it is an opportunity to revisit the interpretive parts of the experience and question the validity of it.
Let’s say a week later you find out that the coworker accidentally sent the text to you instead of someone else and the rude text was part of prank or joke. Suddenly you feel totally different because you have a new interpretation for the experience. It happens all the time even when we don’t know it. We misread a situation, we take something personal, we assume, we fear, we make up a future and then we find ourselves stressed and upset.
Here is another example. You have a teenage son that you believe is failing at school, hanging out with the wrong crowd and doesn’t respect his parents. You feel as if you have tried everything to get him to change his attitude and turn his life around. Nothing worked. Everything you try backfires and seems to make it worse. You are at impasse. This is a more complex situation.
Separating Facts from Interpretation
Can you know your son is failing? His teacher is giving him low marks on his papers. That is a fact. Did you personally look at his assignments? How do you know for sure he is hanging out with the wrong crowd? What makes it wrong? What if it gives your son the opportunity to experience peer pressure and learn from his mistakes? Would that make it the right crowd? Do you see how interpretation can change so easily?
The Facts: yYour son is in proximity to x number of other kids, they exchange words, perhaps they do other things that are also factual, but do you know what those things are?
You get the idea. These examples are only used to illustrate how much we coat over the facts with many layers of meaning, interpretation, projection, fears and even our values.
Stripping our experience down to the pure facts is like taking a machine apart to examine how it operates. What parts are facts, what are assumptions, what are our fears and worries of the future? There are more resources available for remedying a situation when you can separate facts from assumptions and implications even for a few minutes to gain perspective, to see what is possible. You can choose how you want to reassemble the experience but the only thing you can’t change are the facts. They are the most reliable part of the experience everything else can shift. Seeing where you have power and where you don’t have power is very useful.
When you stick to the facts you can respond instead of reacting. You can consciously choose how you interpret something and clearly see your own bias and assumptions without taking them too seriously. You respect the facts, and everything else is subject to change. Sticking to the facts can clear your head and make you feel sane again.
