As a parent myself I have learned a few things about having children and the incredible role of being a parent. This newsletter is not an attempt to tell other parents the right or wrong way to parent. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way to parent. I believe that there are engaged and involved parents and unengaged and uninvolved parents. Other than that, there is no rulebook for parenting. There are as many different parenting styles as there are parents. There are as many different rules for parenting as there are children.
I would like to share my tools with all of you and then you can take those tools if they resonate with you. Each of us has to create our own toolbox, based on our personalities, our life experiences and most importantly our values. Included in these new articles will be principles of parenting that I have learned and applied throughout the years. There are many ways to be a parent and having your own biological children is the most obvious, but it is not in any way limited to that. And (in my view) to choose to be a parent is one of the noblest acts of service you can give to mankind.
So let me break down the nature of the newsletter and what will be included in each month’s article. First I will go over a concept of parenting that I call the philosophy of the tool that includes the principle applied. That will be followed by the tool or tools I created that were derived from that philosophy and principle.
Philosophy, Tools, and Principles
What are parenting tools? Tools are techniques for accomplishing a task of some kind. How can I apply philosophy and principles to something as fundamental as parenting? Let me give a simplistic example:
Tool: Your child is acting out and trying to get your attention. The tool could be to stop, get down on their physical level and listen to them for a few minutes. (Let me repeat myself here, tools are not right or wrong. This tool will not work for everyone so that is why I will go over multiple tools that can get the job done and not just one.)
Philosophy: The philosophy behind this tool would be that children only act out when they have a need that isn’t being met. Understanding the why behind human behavior, yours and your child’s is key to choosing the best tool for you personally.
Principle: The principle is patience and active listening. This is important to understand too because at the principles level of parenting you engage with your personal values. Perhaps patience is not something you highly value or value efficiency more than patience. You will discover the proper tool for you, in any given situation when you understand what you value.
(And I wanted to note that even though the above example includes a situation with a child many of my tools that I will be sharing have more to do with the parent than with the child.)
Creating your Own Manual
Building a parenting manual is essential for creating consistency and providing yourself with a guide and support as you go through the ups and downs of being a parent. Believe me, you’ll need all the guidance and support you can get! Being clear about your values and how you prioritize them is key. Knowing your values will help you see and articulate the philosophy that shaped those values, usually stemming from life experience and personalities. Thirdly, you can create your own tools that are unique to you as a parent and guide.
I hope you all find this newsletter useful in your journey through the travails and exhilarations of parenting! Look for the Parenting toolbox the second week of every month.
Introduction to the Toolbox
