Your core values are the foundation of all your behavior. It is important to know and understand what your core values are because you live by these values whether you are aware of them or not. Any behavior that is sourced from the subconscious is going to be in the shadow. Becoming aware of your core values helps you act on these values in a conscious and conscientious manner.
Here is a question to get you started:
What is important to you?
Here are some common answers to this question:
Family
Achievement
Spirituality
Hard Work
Education
World Peace
Nature and Animals
Within each of these answers is a host of values. What is it about (fill in the blank) that makes it important? For example, maybe family is important because you value “loyalty.” Or perhaps you don’t care so much about loyalty but rather “connection” is the value. It could be that family means “service” and “duty,” or it could mean “unconditional love,” or “legacy” or “belonging and acceptance.” This is a sampling of the values that could be operating behind the scenes. Family is the concept; the values are the meaning you have attached and why the concept is important.
Movies, TV, Books and Music
Another great way to discover your values is to pay attention to your favorite books, tv shows, movies and music. We are drawn to that which we value, so naturally we will find our values hidden and sometimes not so hidden in the media we enjoy. Here are some examples of books, films etc. and the values found there:
Are you a fan of comedies? Humor and truth-telling.
Superhero movies? Doing the right thing, facing obstacles, overcoming
Apocalyptic and end of the world stories? Realism, grit, and toughness,
Country music? Down to earth, and nostalgic.
Indie movies and music? Non-conventional and quirky
These are just a few examples of the values that might be found in these types of media. See if you can uncover your values by examining more closely the books, music, and film you enjoy.
Your Words
This may seem a little too obvious but notice the words you use regularly. We all have a way of communicating that is unique to us and part of our unique way of speaking is due to our values. Do you notice you prefer certain words? For myself I notice the word “free” finds its way into my speech regularly. “feel free to call me back,” “I have some free time,” and “let me know when your schedule frees up,” and so on. Upon further reflection I deduced that freedom is one of my core values.
Judging Others
This might seem a little strange, but what do you judge others for doing or not doing, saying or not saying etc.? We judge others by our core values. What you admire in others and what you disdain shows you exactly what matters to you and this will lead you to your core values. Notice what kinds of things really bother you about other people and then see if it matches up with one of your values. Maybe you judge people who appear lazy or lacking in motivation. It could be that you value, drive, ambition, productivity and/or hard work. Obviously, that person has different core values.
Birds of a Feather
Notice the kinds of people you spend time with and enjoy being around. We connect with others who share our core values. While it is important to have relationships with a wide variety of people, especially those who have differing values, the folks we feel the most connected to are those who share similar values. Noticing who you feel understands you and is “on the same page” likely shares many of your values. You can discover your own values by noticing how those close friends and family talk and what matters to them.
Once you discover your core values list them out. Put them in order of importance. Revisit this list regularly and adjust as you continue to explore and discover yourself.
Your Virtues are your Vices
Everything has a shadow side. Even our values. What is the weakness of each of your own personal values? How can a quality like honesty or responsibility be in the shadow? Here are just a few possibilities. I encourage you to do your own examination of these values and discover how the shadow side expresses through you.
Example:
Core Value: Honesty
Strength or Light: Authentic, dependable, speaks and acts from a place of truth and integrity
Weakness or Shadow: Lacking discretion, admitting flaws to get others approval or to avoid condemnation
Core Value: Responsible
Strength or Light: Accountable for own actions, responds rather than reacts, doesn’t blame others.
Weakness or Shadow: Tries to control others, interferes and is self-blaming/critical
Working with your core values can give you a great deal of insight and tools for self-development and self-awareness.
