Memoir writing is a way of stepping out of our skin and observing what goes on in our own minds. Every time we write in a journal, doodle in a notebook, scribble down our thoughts onto the back of receipts; we create distance between thinking and observing our thoughts. Memoir strives to land in the space between the experience and our interpretation of that experience. Memoir writers use their memories to tell true events and then share their reflection of those events.
The Truth about Memories
Can we trust the things that we remember to be true? The more the brain is studied the more we learn the ways that memory is unreliable as a source of factual accuracy. Our brains use all of the data of our external world to help orient and position us for our best chance of survival. In order for our brains to process and use all that information a filter is created. This filter helps us to manage and adapt. It creates our perceptions. Memory is part of that filter. Memoir writing is as much about the filter as it is about the remembered events. The great memoirs provide a container for both writer and reader to examine that filter and to grapple with the unanswerable questions, the unknowable truth of the experience.
The Nonfiction Contract
Memoir is a genre of the nonfiction category of writing. Other nonfiction genres include, biography, narrative nonfiction essays, commentaries and critiques, reference, journalism, reports, how-to and self-help. All nonfiction writing is subject to what is known as the nonfiction contract. It simply means that the writer agrees to tell the truth to the best of her ability, to not fictionalize events to fit the narrative, or exaggerate, or claim something happened that didn’t happen. The author promises not to alter anything, but present the material as factual and truthful as possible.
Creative License
In memoir there may be little to no source material to draw from. In these cases the writer can use creative license. For example, recreating dialogue. For myself, as long as the dialogue is as close to my memory as possible, doesn’t misrepresent myself and the other person, and I acknowledge that I recreated the dialogue in this way, I have not broken the nonfiction contract. Other kinds of creative license can be taken with nonfiction such as compressing two very similar events that led to one specific moment or realization, or closing a gap in the timeline so that the pacing is smoother. As long as these moves don’t change the truth of what happened, they are, in my opinion, creative tools. On the other hand, compressing two people into one person, altering an event so that it appears to be worse or better than it actually was, putting words in other people’s mouths in a way that misrepresents them, creating events that didn’t actually happen, and exaggerating the facts are all in violation of the nonfiction contract.
Partial Memories
What happens when the memoir writer can only faithfully recall part of an event? If the writer acknowledges her limitations and speaks plainly about what she can and cannot remember then the reader trusts what she claims to be true and accurate.
She can attempt to fill in the blanks as long as she confesses it with language that acknowledges that she is fantasizing, imagining, hoping, suspecting, wondering, and assuming. Using questions to further explore the possibilities of what might have happened when memory fails is also acceptable. Reflection on the not-quite-remembered events and how the writer struggles with remembering accurately is also effective.
Working with memory is like time traveling. Every time the writer recalls an event something changes just a little bit. But that is not a bad thing. What changes are our perceptions, our understanding and ultimately ourselves. We are changed.
A Few Tools for Writers of Memoir
Gather your facts.
It can be helpful to have facts to draw from when writing memoir. Some facts about your life could include, school records, marriage license, birth certificate, medical records, video camera footage, court records, objects from childhood, business transactions, bank records, phone records, diaries, journals, wills, photographs, and testimony from others who were present. Each source has limitations. Don’t try to make the facts fit your memories. The facts serve as a structural support for the experiences. The main job of memoir is to hold tension between factual truth and experiential truth.
Gather your memories
You can begin gathering memories by letting the facts you do find inspire you to remember the surrounding events and then writing down what you remember. Conversations with people who were present and relevant to your experiences can also be helpful in assembling and gathering memories. Make a list of the events from your life that are most important to you. Gather more than you need.
Acknowledge limitations
By acknowledging your limitations and fears you will build trust with your readers and it will also help you determine what you remember clearly, what you wish you remembered and what you don’t remember at all. While the events of your life might be full of drama and passion, the reflection and observation are more meaningful to the reader than events alone. Orient your readers toward your feelings and experience rather than trying to prove that what you remembered happened exactly the way you remember it.
How is it useful?
Make sure that you consider the role of the reader when writing. Can others learn from your experience? Perhaps you made crucial mistake, failed at an important task, or hurt someone you loved. Others may be able to learn from your mistakes and find inspiration from your life experience. We need each other. Memoir can be a powerful way to build connection.
Working with Memory
